This show inspires me to have sex in space
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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