You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
