Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
