I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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