my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
