Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
