Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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