Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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