I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
