we have officially lost it.
so explain again why im purple
no
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Randomize
