How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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