And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
