Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
