Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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