Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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