do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
