I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
