oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize