you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
