Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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