I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
how drunk are you?
Several
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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