i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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