How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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