best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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