Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
