he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
We just shotgunned beers for America
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
