PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
