you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize