After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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