I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
