Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Just took my morning after pill in the library
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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