you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
