we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
