she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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