Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
