The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
