Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
So many bounce houses so little time
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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