My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
