so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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