Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
