Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
