I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Randomize
