So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
