the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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