A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
