I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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