Your face is a jimmy john
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
