Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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