I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
