she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
