break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
