Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
