So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
