I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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