dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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