brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
