a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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