we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Randomize