I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
