Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
