is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'm both gender and math confused
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
