My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
