Cold hands, warm shart.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Operation Purity has been aborted
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
