do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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