You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
