if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
