Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
