No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
